It is only when watching Andrew Solomon’s TEDTalk 2014, « How the worst moments of our lives makes us who we are », then another one, « Depression, the secret we all share » that I heard testimonies from people who had had depression, telling about similar things than those I experienced when I was younger.
One of them, said M.Solomon, told him she was hearing a voice in her head, while trying to cover it by singing to herself the same song over and over. A voice that was telling her : « You are nothing. You are nobody. You don’t even deserve to live ». And she said that was when she really started thinking about killing herself.
It struck a chord. I kept watching. Listening to all theses testimonies, among them Solomon’s own, no less impressive than the others.
And something struck even deeper, when, once the talk ended, I revved back to precise moments, precise sentences, and watched them over again.
These were adults that had been through the worst moments of their lives, and they had to cling to life with all their might to get over it. They had to find support among their families, their friends, their spouses. They even went on medication for years. They needed, in short, all their strength, all the help they could get to survive.
It happened to them when they were adults, with relationships, support, means to fight.